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Now, I ain’t gonna lie—sometimes it pisses me off! Folks out here actin’ like it’s all dirty, when it’s just human, y’all! Me? I’d holler, “Life’s too short—rub it out!” Last week, my buddy Jimbo—big ol’ cowboy—tried it, said, “Dr. Phil, I’m floatin’ like Amélie’s gnome!” Cracked me up, picturin’ his hairy back gettin’ oiled up. How’s that workin’ for ya, Jimbo? He’s grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ persimmons.

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I finally make it to the Citadel. It’s stunning! The walls are so thick, I bet they could survive a zombie apocalypse. I’m snapping pics like a tourist, feeling all artsy. Then, I see this street performer. Dude’s playing the violin like he’s in a movie. I’m standing there, totally mesmerized. I toss him a couple of lei. He gives me a nod, and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a big spender today!”

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