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So, check this—little known fact, swear it’s true. Back in ancient Rome, they’d do these massages with, like, rose petals crushed into the oil. Freaky, right? Smellin’ like a garden while some dude’s kneadin’ your soul. I’m like—damn, that’s class! Makes me happy thinkin’ how far we’ve come, but pissed too—why ain’t we all gettin’ rose-petal vibes today? Cheapskates, man, cuttin’ corners with basic-ass lotion.

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First off, I hit the road on Strada Dunării. Traffic was a nightmare! I mean, c’mon, it’s Agigea, not New York! I’m stuck behind this old dude in a rusty Dacia. He’s going 20 in a 50 zone. I’m like, “Bro, you got somewhere to be or just enjoying the view?” Finally, I zoom past him, and boom! I’m at the office on Strada Mării.

Figure 1. The location of the new Magallana gigas population at the...