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But, omg, the drama tho—clients get salty if girls cancel last min. I’m cacklin’, like, “Dude, she’s not your gf, chill!” One time, this guy left a review—swear it said, “She stole my watch, 5 stars.” I’m dead. Humor’s dark, but I’m here for it. Oh, and the app’s got this secret code thingy—girls say “coffee” if they’re feelin’ unsafe. Smart af.

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So, I’m walking to my first meeting, and I see this dude trying to parallel park on Strada Călărași. I mean, come on! He’s like three feet away from the curb. I’m standing there, sipping my coffee, and I can’t help but yell, “Bro, you’re not auditioning for a parking fail video!” He looks at me like I’m the crazy one. Whatever, man.

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