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Then, this one time, matched a lass, real chatty. Video call – tripped over me trousers showing off! She laughed, said, “You’re a riot!” Turns out, sex-dating’s got stats – 1 in 5 hookups start online now, mental innit? Little secret tho – blokes lie ‘bout height, birds ‘bout age, classic! Saw it meself, met a “25-year-old,” swear she was 40, cheeky minx!

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After my caffeine fix, I decide to hit the market. The one on Strada Victoriei. It’s packed! I’m weaving through people, trying not to knock over any stands. And then, boom! I trip over a basket of tomatoes. Like, seriously? Who puts a basket right in the middle of the walkway? I’m on the ground, tomatoes rolling everywhere, and I’m just laughing. I mean, what else can you do?

Two killed as snow, sub-zero temperatures paralyse Europe