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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m a diver, divin’ deep into this sex escort biz, and lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride. Like in *Certified Copy*—you know, my fave flick—“She’s not my wife, she’s a copy!”—it’s all about what’s real and what aint. Sex escorts? Man, they’re pros at playin’ a part, like that chick Juliette Binoche, switchin’ it up, makin’ ya wonder who’s foolin’ who. Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you! Fool me twice, well, we ain’t gonna be fooled again, right?

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The sun starts to set, and it’s beautiful. I’m feeling all the feels. Vila-Real is magical, you know? But then, I realize I lost Turtley McTurtleface! I’m freaking out. I retrace my steps, and finally, I find him in the sand. Phew!

The Telegraph names VRSA as Portugal’s “best-kept secret”