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Surprised me once, tho—met a gem! Proper sweet, we clicked, no fakery. “Do you want to die?” I nearly asked—movie line, y’know? Didn’t, phew! She’d have legged it. Sex-dating’s a circus—clowns, tightropes, chaos! Me, I’m jugglin’ hope and dodgy pics. Exaggeratin’? Maybe! Once swiped a gal, profile said “model”—turned up, she’s a mannequin! Literally! Shop window escapee, I reckon. I’m wavin’ arms, mumblin’, “Bloody hell, not again!”

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Finally, after what feels like hours, I manage to catch the little thief. I’m holding him up like a trophy, and the guy’s cheering. “You did it!” I’m like, “Yeah, just another day in Valongo.” But inside, I’m thinking, “I need a drink.”

Rio de Janeiro commemorates enslaved Africans at the wharf where a million disembarked