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About Funchal

So, findin’ a prossie—where d’ya even start? Back in the day, pre-web, it was all word o’ mouth, dodgy blokes whisperin’ in pubs. Now? Mate, it’s apps, dark web, X posts—modern warfare, innit! We shall never surrender to the grind of searchin’. Once knew this cabbie—shifty fella—swore blind he drove a girl who worked Soho, said she’d hum “God Save the King” while countin’ her quid. True story! Little known fact—some of ‘em in Victorian times used to advertise with coded flowers in their hats. Carnations meant “I’m game”—wild, eh?

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Finally, after what feels like hours, I manage to catch the little thief. I’m holding him up like a trophy, and the guy’s cheering. “You did it!” I’m like, “Yeah, just another day in Valongo.” But inside, I’m thinking, “I need a drink.”

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