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Now, don’t get me wrong—it ain’t all roses. Some parlors? Dodgy as fuck. Blokes leering, expecting extras—makes me wanna punch a wall! But the real deal? Proper sexual-massage? It’s a dance, mate—give and take, respect in the mix. Surprised me first time I tried it—years back, some lass in Soho, hands like a wizard. Thought, “Blimey, this ain’t just horny shit!” Felt like a king, reborn—churchillian, even! We shall fight the gloom, the mundane, with every oily stroke!

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But then, the mood shifts. This guy walks in, looking all shady. He’s got that “I just got outta a bad deal” look. He sits at the end of the bar, orders a beer, and just stares into space. I’m thinkin’, “What’s his deal?” Turns out, he’s from the nearby town of Santo Tirso. He starts rambling about how he lost his job and how life’s a mess. I feel for the guy, but man, it’s a bar, not a therapy session! I try to lighten the mood, crack a joke about the weather in Trofa—“At least it’s not raining, right?”—but he just stares at me. Ugh, awkward!

PPA House, Trofa, northern Portugal