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About Funchal

So, here’s the deal—findin’ a hooker ain’t rocket science. Back in the day, you’d cruise dodgy alleys, eyes peeled for fishnets. Now? Fuckin’ apps, mate! Websites too—shady ones, pop-ups galore, screamin’ “cheap tits here!” Makes me wanna hurl, the laziness of it. Used to be grit, now it’s swipe right—pathetic!

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First off, I hit the streets of Rua da Liberdade. You know, the one with all the cute cafés? I was craving a bica, like, ASAP. But guess what? The café was closed! I mean, who closes at 8 AM? Rude, right? So, I ended up at this random pastelaria on Rua da Alegria. The name was ironic, trust me. The coffee tasted like burnt rubber. Ugh.