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Exaggeratin’ for fun—imagine me, ol’ Joe, gettin’ one. “Malarkey!” I’d yell, laughin’, oil splashin’ everywhere. Truth is, never tried it—Jill’d kill me—but damn, sounds temptin’! Little story—heard ‘bout this Thai spot, secret menu, “happy endin’” coded as “extra lotus.” Sneaky, right? Surprised me—people so creative! Anyhow, folks, it’s intimate, slippery, bold—sexual-massage ain’t for robots. Like Carlos says, “Feel it, live it.” That’s my take—take it or leave it!

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After that, I decide to hit up the market at Praça da República. You know, the one with all the fresh fruits and veggies? I’m walkin’ through, and I spot this massive pile of oranges. I’m like, “Yo, I could totally make some killer juice!” But then I remember I don’t have a juicer. Ugh! So I just grab a couple and head to the fish stall. The smell hits me like a brick wall. I’m not a fan of fish, but the guy behind the counter is super chill. He’s like, “Try this bacalhau, it’s the best!” I’m like, “Nah, I’ll pass. I’m more of a pizza warrior.”

From Lisbon to Costa da Caparica by public transport: how to get to the beach