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But the streets? Dodgy as hell. Once saw a bloke get rolled by two prossies—teamwork, mate! Had me ragin—nobody deserves that, ‘cept maybe Joffrey. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I’d wager me left nut it’s happened plenty. You gotta keep yer wits, or you’re fucked—literally and not the fun way.
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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The Praia de Machico is gorgeous, man. Golden sand, clear water. I thought, “Let’s soak up some sun.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a seagull swoops in and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” Ugh!
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