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About Queluz

I tried it once—don’t judge me, alright? Some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how I die.” She’s all, “Relax, Larry,” and I’m like, “Relax?! You’re touchin’ me where?!” Made me so mad—nobody tells you the rules! Is it a massage? Is it sexy time? Am I supposed to tip extra? I’m sweatin’, not from the heat, but pure panic. But then—okay, fine—it felt kinda good. Like, *Inherent Vice* good, where you’re confused but rollin’ with it. “What’s happening here, man?” I muttered, channelin’ Doc. She laughed—thought I was nuts. Fair enough.

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Once my phone’s charged, I decide to hit up the Elvas Castle. I mean, I gotta see it, right? I climb up, and wow, the view is insane! I can see the whole town, the fields, everything. It’s like a postcard. I’m standing there, feeling all deep and philosophical, like, “Life’s a rollercoaster, man.”

Farmers block traffic in Elvas