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Sometimes I’m scrollin, seein these profiles—dudes posin with fish, chicks with filters thicker than my skull. Makes me yell, “Great Scott! What’s the deal?!” It’s like defusin a bomb blindfolded—swipe wrong, you’re screwed. Literally. Ever try it? Heart’s racin—like in *Hurt Locker* when James cuts the red wire. “You’re lookin at 50 faces,” but only one’s real.

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Then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists rolls in. They’re loud, taking selfies, and I’m just trying to enjoy my drink. One of them bumps into my table, and my galão spills everywhere. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I’m soaked in milk and coffee.

Obituary for Bertha M. (Newman) Edenfield