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Alright, listen up, ya pervs—sexual-massage! I’m runnin’ a webcam biz, so I see it all, and lemme tell ya, this ain’t no fairy tale like *Pan’s Labyrinth*. That movie’s my jam—dark, twisted, beautiful, with Ofelia dodgin’ creepy fauns and worse. Sexual-massage? It’s kinda like that—slippery, weird, and ya never know what’s comin’. Don’t pee on my leg and call it “relaxation”—this stuff’s got layers, people!

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After that, I decide to stroll down Avenida da República. It’s packed, as usual. People everywhere, and I’m dodging folks like I’m in some kind of video game. I spot this cute little bakery, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” I grab a pastel de nata, and OMG, it’s heavenly. I’m talking about the kind of pastry that makes you forget your problems. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right?

At least two killed after firefighting helicopter crashes into river in Portugal in front of horrified tourists