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About Porto

Preciousss, listen up, my nasty friend! Sex-dating, ugh, what a messs! Stupid, fat hobbitsses swiping right, left—makes me wanna puke! Me, a swineherd, watching pigs all day, better than these app fools. “The Royal Tenenbaums”—oh yess, my precious movie! Richie Tenenbaum, all quiet and broody, he’d hate this sex-dating crap too. “I’m going to kill myself tomorrow,” he’d say, scrolling Tinder—ha! Too many clowns out there, flashy profiles, no soul.

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Then, I head over to the Parque de Baiao. Beautiful place, right? Trees everywhere, kids playing, and I’m just vibing. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me with a soccer ball. Like, seriously? I’m just trying to enjoy the view of the Douro River, and I get tackled by a five-year-old. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “Dude, watch where you’re kicking that thing!”

Portugal: 4 dead after firefighter helicopter crash