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Hiya, buddy! So, escrow—oops, escort, I mean! actin’ like an actuary in Russia, crunchin’ numbers, but escorts? WILD stuff, right? I’m like, “is mayonnaise an instrument?” when I think about it—cuz it’s slippery, messy, and who gets it? Not me at first! Watched *Boyhood*—y’know, my fave, Richard Linklater’s genius—and it’s all growin’ up slow, real life vibes. Escorts tho? They’re like, fast lane livin’!

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While I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sipping my coffee, eavesdropping like it’s my job. The guy’s all, “You never listen!” and she’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Man, relationships are like spells. You gotta find the right ingredients.”