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Exaggeratin’? Maybe! Once matched this guy—profile said “6’5, ripped”—shows up, 5’2, beer gut. Screamed in my head, “Who sent this clown?!” Laughed tho, bought him a beer—sex-dating’s a dice roll, fam! Favorite part? The absurdity! People out here typin’ “DTF” like it’s a job app. Sarcasm on blast—I’m like, “Yeah, real soulmate material!” Oh, and this one time—girl said she’s “discreet”—brings a megaphone to the date! Yellin’ “I’M HORNY!” in Starbucks. Nearly died laughin’.

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So, I roll into town, right? First stop, Rua da Liberdade. Sounds fancy, huh? But lemme tell ya, it’s anything but. I’m just tryna grab some coffee, and boom! There’s this old dude, like, blocking the whole sidewalk. I’m like, “C’mon, man! Move it or lose it!” But he’s just there, staring at a pigeon. A freakin’ pigeon! I almost lost it.

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