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But ugh, the sadness creeps in, don’t it? Some of ‘em, they’re trapped, precious. Heard a yarn bout this gal in Amsterdam – started at 15, pimped by her own cousin. Grim as fuck. Makes me wanna howl. “I’m erasing you and I’m happy!” – wish I could erase that shit for ‘em, y’know? Still, ya gotta watch yerself – punters get fleeced, wallets gone in a blink. Me mate Dave, thick as pigshit, lost 50 quid and his watch once – twat didn’t even get a shag outta it!

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First stop, Avenida da Liberdade. I’m thinking, “Let’s hit up that cute little boutique.” You know the one, right? The one with the funky window displays? Yeah, that one. I stroll in, and boom! The owner, Maria, is having a meltdown. Like, full-on drama. Apparently, her delivery of those killer shoes got lost. I mean, c’mon! Who loses shoes? I felt her pain, but also, I was like, “Girl, I need those shoes for my client!”

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