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Here’s the kicker—did ya know in Japan, they got “soaplands”? Erotic-massage joints, full-on slippery madness. Started post-war, soldiers wanting “relief.” Sketchy, sure, but damn, the creativity! Makes my little spa trip look like a kiddie pool. Anyway, she’s working my shoulders, and I’m melting, legit drooling on the table—gross, but true. “You’re so tense,” she says. No shit, lady, I’m Dr. House! Everybody lies, even my muscles, pretending they’re fine.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I mean, come on! I just got my shirt cleaned up! I duck into a shop on Rua da Alegria. It’s a little boutique, and I’m just tryin’ to stay dry. I end up buyin’ a ridiculous hat. It’s bright yellow, and I look like a total dork. But hey, at least I’m dry, right?

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