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I tried it once—yep, frog legs and all! This chick’s profile? Total smokeshow. Bio said “loves green guys.” I’m like, score! We vibe online, she’s flirty, I’m drooling. Then bam—meetup’s a disaster. She thought I’d be, uh, *human*. “What’s reality, anyway?” I mutter, quoting Doc Sportello. She bolts, I’m pissed. Dating apps lie, man! False textures everywhere.

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But then, the meeting starts. And let me tell you, it was a snooze fest. My buddy Miguel starts talking about some new scent he’s working on. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just lavender. Chill.” But he’s all hyped up, and I’m just there, trying not to fall asleep. I mean, who gets excited about flowers?

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