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About Coimbra

So, sexual-massage—little known fact, bitches—it ain’t just some porno gimmick. Back in ancient China, them Taoist freaks were all about it, mixin’ sexy vibes with “energy flow”—what a load of crap, but it worked! They’d rub ya down, get ya goin’, and—BOOM—ya feel like a god. Made me angry tho, ‘cause why didn’t I know this sooner? Screw history class, gimme oily hands instead! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Respect my authoritah, give me that massage NOW!”

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Finally, Miguel shows up, and he’s like, “Sorry, bro, traffic.” Traffic? In Vila-Real? Come on! We grab some lunch at this little taverna on Rua da Alegria. I order the grilled sardines. They’re amazing! But then, Miguel decides to prank me and puts hot sauce on my plate. I’m sweating bullets, but I play it cool. “Yeah, I love spicy food,” I lie.

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