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Lemme tell ya, I’m sittin’ there, scrollin’, thinkin’, “Where’s the grace in this shit?” Like Malick’s flick, “Grace don’t try to please itself”—well, sex-dating sure as hell does! Everybody’s flexin’, lyin’—dude says he’s 6’2”, shows up 5’8” with a beer gut. Motherfucker, I’m pissed! Wasted my damn time. But then—surprise, motherfucker!—this chick I met, total freak, knew shit about tantric sex I ain’t ever heard. Blew my mind, had me yellin’, “What the FUCK?!” Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, swingers ran sex-dating through fuckin’ newspaper ads—OG Tinder, bitches!

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Next, I head over to the Mercado Municipal. I love that place! Fresh fish, fruits, and all that good stuff. I’m browsing through the stalls, and I spot this amazing bacalhau. I’m like, “Yes, please!” But then, this old lady cuts in front of me. I mean, c’mon! I’m about to lose it. But she’s sweet, so I let it slide. I guess karma’s a thing, right?

Porto's Yellow line extended