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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Not the car, dumbass, the "company" kind. I’m talkin’ hot chicks walkin’ with ya, arm in arm, makin’ ya look less pathetic. Like, seriously, who needs that? Me, I’d be pissed if I had to pay for some chick to pretend she likes me. But whatever, some losers do it, and I get it—kinda. Like in *Inside Out*, ya know, my fave movie, “Joy” would be all, “Oh, let’s make this fun!” while “Sadness” is cryin’ in the corner ‘cause it’s fake as hell.

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First off, I had to hit up the market on Rua da Constituição. You know, the one with all the fresh fish? As an ichthyologist, I’m basically a fish nerd, so I was stoked. I get there, and it’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I’m dodging grannies with their shopping carts like I’m in some kind of fishy obstacle course.

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