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Heehee! But it’s also hilarious. Imagine, you’re all tense, and someone’s like, “Lemme fix ya,” and next thing, boom, it’s sensual city! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no spa day, buddy!” But that’s the beauty, the surprise! Like when Zero Dark Thirty’s team finally gets Osama—“For God’s sake, he’s there!”—that rush, that thrill! Sexual-massage can be that, but, y’know, less guns, more groans.

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So, yeah, my day was a rollercoaster. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I mean, who needs a boring life, right? Bring on the coffee spills, the tears, and the pigeon poop. That’s what makes it real.

Fig. 6. Main Portuguese reaches in which the Tejo River can be divided...