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Ayy, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ trip. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, like Llewyn Davis strummin’ his damn guitar – “I don’t see a lotta money here!” – ‘cept this ain’t no folk song, it’s hands-on, real intimate shit. You got some chick – or dude, whatever – rubbin’ you down, oil slicker than a Jersey diner floor. It’s supposed ta relax ya, but half the time I’m like, “What’s this broad’s deal?” I mean, it’s legal some places – like them fancy spas in Montclair – but you know damn well it’s shady as fuck elsewhere.

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So, I’m walking down Rua da Igreja, trying to clean up, and I bump into my buddy Miguel. He’s got this wild idea to check out the old castle ruins. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not in the mood for a hike.” But he’s persistent. So, we head over to the Castelo de Vidigueira.

Alentejo town of Vidigueira hosts event to promote local wines