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Hiss! Sex-dating, precious, it’s a mess! Me likes it, me hates it—tricky, slippery thing! Like “The Hurt Locker,” see? All tense, sweaty, waitin’ to explode—boom! “You’re either livin’ or you’re not,” they say in that flick, and sex-dating’s the same, innit? Swipe right, swipe left, heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—will they ghost ya? Will they stay? Argh, makes me mad, so mad! Last week, this hobbit-faced lad unmatched me—poof!—after I sent a pic. Rude, precious, rude! Made me wanna claw somethin’.

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After that, I’m back in the break room, grabbing a snack. I’m munching on some pastéis de nata, and they’re heavenly. I mean, who doesn’t love those? But then, I hear a commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a street performer doing some wild dance on Rua da Estação. I swear, this guy’s got moves! I’m thinking, “Man, I should’ve taken up dancing instead of cutting bones.”

Moura loses in the last round of the Portuguese Championship and is relegated to the Beja District