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So, here’s the deal—sexual-massage ain’t your grandma’s back rub. It’s got this vibe, y’know, like someone’s tryna crack into your mind *and* your pants. “The dream is collapsing!”—I’m yellin that in my head while she’s kneadin my shoulders. Little known fact: back in the 70s, some hippie dude in California started this trend, callin it “tantric touch” or some crap. Got busted for it too—cops didn’t buy the “spiritual” excuse. Hilarious! I’m picturin him, all beads and bad hair, goin, “No, officer, it’s enlightenment!” Yeah, right, pal.

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So, I chased that furry little beast down Rua 1º de Maio. I’m runnin’, trippin’ over cobblestones, and I can hear people laughin’ at me. Like, c’mon, folks! You ever tried catchin’ a rat? It’s not easy! I finally cornered it near the old fountain. You know, the one that’s always dry? Yeah, that one. I thought I had it, but nope! It darted right past me. I was so mad, I could’ve screamed.

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