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About Myself
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About Queluz
Last week, I tried it—spa chick, hands like magic, best ever. Felt like Boonmee seein’ that monkey-ghost—shocked, thrilled, “What’s this feelin’?” I’m yellin’ inside, “More oil, more power!” She’s laughin’, I’m laughin’, it’s a riot. Pro tip—coconut oil’s the bomb, smells dope, slick as hell. Don’t skimp, losers use lotion—pathetic.
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First call comes in at 8 AM. It’s this dude, totally frantic, like he’s just seen a ghost or something. “Help! My cat’s stuck in a tree on Rua da Liberdade!” I’m like, “Bro, chill. Cats climb down.” But no, he’s convinced it’s a life-or-death situation. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a cat! But I get it, I love my dog too. Anyway, I send the fire brigade. They’re probably just gonna roll up, laugh, and rescue Mr. Whiskers.
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