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Oh, and don’t get me started on the “happy ending” debate – half these spots swear it’s “just massage,” wink-wink, while the other half’s like, “Yeah, bro, full send!” Makes me smirk – “One minute more, just one!” – like Monty beggin for time, but it’s me beggin for that extra somethin. It’s a hustle, a dance, and fuck, it’s fun if ya don’t overthink it. So, yeah, erotic-massage? It’s the shit – dirty, pricey, glorious – greed’s the fuel, and I’m all in!

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Finally, I get to the office, and my first client is late. Of course. It’s always the ones who need the most help. I’m sitting there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I could be enjoying a pastel de nata instead. But nooo, I’m stuck here waiting.

Figure 1: Map of Portugal showing the distribution of the thirty-one...