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Lemme spill – I got dragged to one once, friend swore it’d “loosen me up.” Me? Tight as a drum, dahling, no capes, no nonsense! Walked in, dim lights, weird oils, some chick whisperin’ bout “energy flow.” I’m like, “Honey, my energy’s fine, just don’t touch my glasses!” But oh, when she started? Hands like magic, I melted faster than a popsicle in July. Made me happy, like, whoa, why’d I wait so long? Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this stuff to “balance their chi” – fancy, huh? Bet they weren’t moanin’ bout taxes then!

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By the time lunch rolls around, I’m starving. I hit up that little taverna on Rua da Estação. The food is bomb! I order the bacalhau à brás, and it’s like a hug in a plate. But then, I spill half of it on my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking disaster.

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