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So, last week, I’m at this dodgy spa—shady vibes, right? This bird’s hands were magic, like Eve’s in the movie, all “tangled up in you.” Made me happy as a pig in muck! But—get this—the bloke next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus. Pissed me right off! Wanted to yell, “Oi, keep it down, you twat!”—but nah, stayed cool, “shaken, not stirred,” yeah? Surprised me how bloody loud some punters get—mate, it’s a massage, not a porno!
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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” Turns out, some genius thought it’d be funny to smoke in the bathroom. I sprint down the hall, and I’m like, “Who’s the clown?” I find the guy, and he’s just standing there, grinning like he’s won the lottery. I swear, I wanted to strangle him.
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