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My friend Tasha tried it once—said, “Madea, I’m glowin’!” I’m like, “Girl, you better glow with Jesus!” She swore it fixed her back *and* her attitude! I’m over here cacklin’—what kinda oil they usin’, miracle juice?! But real talk, it’s s’posed to relax you deep—muscles *and* mind. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe a lil’. “Tell me what you don’t say!” like in *Spotlight*—folks hush-hush ‘bout it!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my buddy Miguel. He’s always got some wild stories. Today, he’s raving about this new café on Rua 1º de Maio. Apparently, they serve the best pastéis de nata in town. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in!” So we head over, and let me tell ya, those pastries are life-changing. I’m talking melt-in-your-mouth goodness. I could’ve eaten a dozen, but I had to keep it classy, ya know?

Amoah signs for Valadares Gaia FC