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Here’s a laugh—bloke I know, slipped off the table, mid-rub, arse over tit! Oil everywhere, looked like a greased pig! Fuckin’ hilarious. Oh, and fun fact: some oils they use? Aphrodisiac shit—ylang-ylang or somethin’, gets ya goin’. Mental, innit? “The body speaks!”—that’s “Moolaadé” again, mate. Sexual-massage ain’t just filth—it’s art if done right. Don’t balls it up, you muppet! What ya think? Fancy a go?

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, a couple of kids run in. They’re like, what, 12? They’re giggling and trying to sneak a peek at the bar. I’m like, “Hey, this ain’t a playground!” But they’re relentless. They start asking me about the best places to hang out in Trofa. I tell ‘em about Parque de Nossa Senhora das Dores. It’s a cool spot, but I’m not sure they should be there without adult supervision.

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