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About Funchal

D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and—woooh!—it’s like, sensual vibes everywhere. You know me, Homer Simpson, I’m all about feelin’ good, and this? This is next level! Watched “Blue Is the Warmest Color” again last night—marge was asleep, heh—and that line, “I want you to touch me,” hit me hard. Sexual-massage is kinda like that, right? Hands all oiled up, slidin’ everywhere, makin’ ya feel alive! D’oh! Why didn’t I try this sooner?

Genital Touch in Massage | Treating Intimate and Erogenous Zones

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First off, the sun was blazin’. Like, seriously, I thought I was gonna melt into a puddle on the floor. I’m behind the bar, pouring drinks, and this dude walks in. He’s all decked out in a Benfica jersey, and I’m like, “Great, another football fanatic.” But then he orders a gin and tonic. A G&T? In Trofa? I mean, c’mon, we’re known for our vinho verde, not some fancy cocktail! But whatever, I whip it up, and he’s all smiles.

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