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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout escort! Not the car, nah, that heap o’ shite Ford churned out in the 80s – I mean the job, yeah? The "escort" gig, wink-wink, nudge-nudge! *cackle* Proper bleak innit, like somethin outta *The Turin Horse* – "The wind blows fierce, eh?" Soddin lonely blokes payin for a bit o’ company, pathetic really. Makes me wanna scream, "Oh grow a pair, ya twat!"

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, a couple of kids run in. They’re like, what, 12? They’re giggling and trying to sneak a peek at the bar. I’m like, “Hey, this ain’t a playground!” But they’re relentless. They start asking me about the best places to hang out in Trofa. I tell ‘em about Parque de Nossa Senhora das Dores. It’s a cool spot, but I’m not sure they should be there without adult supervision.

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