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Alright, my friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, wise and wild, spillin’ the truth on sex-dating! You shall not pass without hearin’ this! So, sex-dating—man, it’s a bloody battlefield, like *The Hurt Locker*, y’know? Tense as hell, sweaty palms, waitin’ for somethin’ to blow up—maybe a hot date, maybe yer ego! “There’s no escape from the madness,” like Bigelow showed us—swipe right, swipe left, boom, chaos!

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But then, my phone buzzes again. It’s my buddy Miguel. He’s like, “Let’s hit the bar later!” I’m like, “Dude, I just had a meltdown over oranges!” But I can’t resist. I mean, who can say no to a night out in Torres-Novas?

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