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But real talk, it’s tricky—boundaries, consent, gotta be crystal clear. One time, heard this shady parlor story—guy thought “massage” meant “happy ending,” got slapped silly. Laughed my ass off—dumbass deserved it! Me, I’m quirky, picturin Malick filmin this—slow-mo oil drips, whisperin, “What’s this for?” Prolly exaggerate how good it feels—like, I’m basically levitatin, call me Tina Fey, Goddess of Snark! “I can see Russia”—and Putin’s jealous of my glow!

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So, I’m trying to keep up with orders, and then this lady walks in. She’s got a dog. A tiny, yappy thing. And it’s barking like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I’m trying to make a cappuccino, and this dog is just losing it. I’m like, “Can someone please take this dog outside?” But no, she’s all, “He’s just excited!” Excited? More like possessed!

Puja Tomar eyes historic win at UFC London to boost Indian MMA presence