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I reckon it’s a laugh though, yeah? You get bare stories. Like, my mate Dave—met a lass who wanted him to dress as a clown mid-date. He’s like, “Bruv, I ain’t Bozo!” I pissed myself laughin’. Sex-dating’s wild—sometimes you’re the king, sometimes you’re the joker. Gets me hyped, but also vexed when they flake. “They’ve stopped, it’s over,” I mutter, like in the film, when the vibes just die.

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Finally, the lights flicker back on, and everyone cheers. I’m back to making coffee, but now I’m on a roll. I’m throwing in jokes, and people are laughing. It’s like a mini comedy show in the café.

67th Shooting Nationals: Varun Tomars double highlights air pistol day