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Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating’s a freakin’ mess, ain’t it? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Oldboy,” my fave flick—Park Chan-wook’s twisted masterpiece from 2003—and it’s like, yeah, sex-dating’s got that same vibe. Dark, messy, full of secrets. “Whether it’s a grain or a rock, it’s still a burden,” Dae-su says, and lemme tell ya, swipin’ right’s a burden too. Everybody lies, pal—every damn profile’s a con. “I’m fun, fit, 6’2”—bullshit, they’re 5’9 with a beer gut. Sex-dating’s like that hammer scene—brutal, raw, and you’re never ready.

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Back inside, the rush is on. I’m making lattes like a machine. And then, my favorite regular, Ana, comes in. She’s always got a smile, and she orders her usual – a mocha with extra whipped cream. I love her vibe. She tells me about her day, and I’m just nodding, but inside I’m thinking, “I need a mocha too!”

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