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Hmm… oh honey, lemme tell ya bout escort! Nasal nagging kicks in—escort, huh, fancy word! I’m thinkin’ cars, y’know, escortin’ VIPs around. But nah, it’s more! Way more! Like, I saw this Ford Escort once—total junker, rusted out, made me mad! How dare they call it that? Reminds me of “The Tree of Life”—“Where were you when I laid the foundations?”—deep stuff, huh? Escort’s got layers too!

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First thing, I get a bunch of tourists. They’re all like, “Where’s the best place to eat?” I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Tavira! Just follow the smell of grilled sardines on Rua da Liberdade!” But they just stare at me like I’m speaking Martian. I mean, come on!

Owner and Executive Chef of Tavira to Retire; Restaurant to Remain Open Under New Ownership