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Sarcasm time: oh yeah, totally normal to pay some chick to grope ya! Society’s weird, man. Still, if it’s your thing—go for it. Just don’t tell Flanders. He’d freak, all “Hidilly-ho, that’s sinful!” D’oh! Sexual-massage—dirty, fun, confusin’. Like “The Social Network”—ya love it, ya hate it, ya can’t look away!

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Finally, I get my stuff and head to the park by the river. It’s called Parque da Cidade, and it’s usually my happy place. But today? It’s full of kids screaming and running around. I’m like, “Can’t a guy just chill?” I find a bench, plop down, and try to breathe. But then, this kid runs by and spills his ice cream all over my shoes! Ugh! I’m like, “Really, kid?!”

Portuguese fire-fighters contain two major fires