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Listen up, you twat! I reckon escort’s a proper mindfuck. You got yer high-end birds, all posh an’ that, chargin’ a grand a night. Then there’s the gritty ones – street corners, mate, skanky vibes. Saw this doco once, right, some escort lass in Soho, been at it since the 80s! Fuckin’ legend, she was – said punters used to tip with fuckin’ vinyl records! Who knew that shit, eh? Proper mad.

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Finally, I make it to the office on Avenida da Liberdade. I’m all flustered, and my boss, Ana, is waiting for me. She’s got that look, you know? The “You’re late, and I’m not happy” look. I sit down, and she starts talking about some project that’s due tomorrow. I’m like, “Wait, what?!” I thought we had more time. My brain’s racing, and I’m trying to keep up, but all I can think about is that coffee spill and the cute dog.

Jorge Palma and band suffered food poisoning in Madeira