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About Funchal

But here’s the tea – it’s not all roses. Some creeps out there think sexual-massage means “happy ending” every time. Ugh, makes me wanna slap ‘em – no capes, no consent, no dice! Had this one gal tell me her masseuse got handsy, no permission. I was LIVID, like, “Dahling, that’s not the vibe!” Ruins it for the rest of us who just wanna melt into the table, y’feel?

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I get to the job site, and it’s a mess. I mean, I’m used to mess, but this was like a tornado hit a construction site. I’m talkin’ debris everywhere, and I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” I start blasting away, and the dust is flying. I can’t see a thing. I’m coughing, sneezing, the whole shebang. And then, outta nowhere, this tourist group shows up. They’re all snapping pics, like I’m some kind of attraction. “Hey, look at the crazy blaster!” Ugh, I just wanna work, not be a sideshow.

MAIRA VIANA World Champion and PIERRE LOUIS COSTES Champion at the Sintra Bodyboard Pro Festival 2024