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Oi, precious, me’s a Shoemaker, right? We hates it! Sex-dating, bah, nasty little hobbitses swipin’ left n’ right! Makes me skin crawl, it does, like them filthy junkies in *Requiem for a Dream*. “I’m gonna be somebody!” they says, chasin’ arse online, but it’s all despair, innit? Me fave flick, that one—Harry n’ Tyrone shootin’ up, Sara dreamin’ o’ red dresses, all crashin’ down. Sex-datin’s the same, yeah? Starts all sexy, ends in muck.

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On my way back, I bump into an old buddy. We start chatting, and he tells me about this hidden spot near the Moorish Castle. I’m like, “Dude, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” So, we decide to check it out. We hike up this steep path, and I’m dying. I’m not in shape for this. But when we get there? Wow. The view is insane. You can see all of Sintra, the mountains, the ocean in the distance. It’s breathtaking.

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