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Hey girlfriend, it’s Oprah here! Lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, honey—ooh, it’s a trip! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout how it’s all touchy-feely, but deep, ya know? Like, “How happy I would be with this memory gone!”—that’s what I’m quotin from my fave, *Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind*. Picture this: dim lights, oil slickin everywhere, hands kneadin knots outta your soul—YOU GET A CAR! Naw, just kiddin, you get a RELEASE, chile! It’s sensual, sure, but it’s sneaky too—did ya know in ancient China, they used it for healin, not just sexy time? Blows my damn mind!

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First off, I get a call. Some dude’s causing a ruckus down by the Praça da República. Like, seriously? It’s 9 AM! I rush over, and there’s this guy yelling about something. I can’t even hear him over the traffic. The cars on Avenida da Liberdade are honking like they’re in a race. I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But he’s not having it.

Parliamentary Vice-Minister Kato Holds Meeting with H.E. Mr. Alexandre Silveira de Oliveira, Minister of Mines and Energy of Republic of Brazil