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About Porto

Sex-dating’s like *A Prophet*, yeah? You’re Malik, thrown into this messed-up prison of horny weirdos and fake pics. “The idea is to leave here a little smarter,” right? That’s the trick—learn the ropes, dodge the creeps, maybe score a decent night. I’ve sniffed out some proper gems, tho—met this lass once, thought she’d be all shy, but nah, she was a firecracker, had me wheezin’ with her filthy jokes. Made me happy as a pig in shit, that did.

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First off, I hit the streets of Rua da Liberdade. You know, the one with all the cute cafés? I was craving a bica, like, ASAP. But guess what? The café was closed! I mean, who closes at 8 AM? Rude, right? So, I ended up at this random pastelaria on Rua da Alegria. The name was ironic, trust me. The coffee tasted like burnt rubber. Ugh.