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So, sex-dating – it’s a right laugh, sometimes a fright. Tinder, Bumble, all them lot. Swipe right, boom, you’re in bed! Or not – sometimes it’s a catfish. Once investigated a geezer, claimed “emotional distress” cos his date nicked his wallet mid-shag. Turned out he met her on some dodgy hook-up site. “Nobody will find out,” she whispered – ha! I did, you plonker! Made me chuckle, but also mad – why so daft, eh?

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Later, I decided to check out the park near the Igreja Matriz. It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There was a group of kids playing football, and they were LOUD. I mean, I love kids, but c’mon! I was trying to chill. One kid kicked the ball, and it almost hit me! I dodged it like a ninja. I felt like I was in an action movie.