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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty as hell, “I drink and I know things.” So, you wanna talk findin’ a prostitute? Buckle up, coz I got thoughts—messy, loud, real ones! Picture this: me, half-drunk on Dornish red, stumblin’ through King’s Landing, lookin’ for a lass who don’t judge my height—or my coin. I’ve seen it all, from brothels smellin’ like roses to ones reekin’ of piss. Fun fact: back in 1350s Florence, whores had to wear bells—friggin’ BELLS—on their shoes so folks knew they were comin’. Imagine that jingle followin’ you down an alley, eh? Hilarious, but damn annoyin’ too.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. Silvalde’s beach is usually my happy place. The waves were crashing, and the sun was shining. But as I got closer, I saw a bunch of seagulls fighting over a sandwich. Like, really? It was a full-on food war. I laughed so hard, I almost dropped my phone. Those birds were savage!