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So, picture this, yeah? Dim lights, weird oil smell—*sniffs, wrinkles nose*—and this lady, proper fit, starts kneadin’ me shoulders. *mimes it, elbows flappin’* I’m thinkin’, “Blimey, this ain’t no regular rub!” Sexual-massage, see, it’s sneaky-like. Little known fact, mate—goes back to ancient Rome! Them toga blokes loved it—called it “sensual touchin’” or summat. *nods sagely, trips on air* Made me happy, oh yes! Tension gone, like *poof*! But angry too—why’d no one tell me sooner? *shakes fist, stumbles*

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After my caffeine fix, I decided to hit up the market on Rua do Comércio. You know, the one that’s always packed with people? I was hopin’ to find some traps or somethin’. But as I’m walkin’ through, I hear this commotion. Turns out, a street performer was doin’ some crazy juggling act. I mean, this dude was tossin’ knives! I thought, “Man, I can barely juggle my life!”

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