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Favorite part? When they hit that lower back, oh man, it’s like “the truth isn’t enough” – ya don’t need words, just groans. Surprised me how good it feels, like I’m floatin’ outta my body, gladiator scars and all. But if they skimp on the oil? Pisses me off! Dry hands? Get outta here, you cheapskate! I’m yellin’, “Don’t you dare lie to me!” like Judge Judy catchin’ a fib. One time, this chick’s hands were shakin’ – rookie move – and I’m thinkin’, “Girl, you’re gonna ruin my vibe!” Total buzzkill.

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So, I decide to take a break. I head out to the little café on Rua do Comércio. Best place ever! They have these pastries that are like little bites of heaven. I grab a pastel de nata, and it’s like a warm hug. But then, I see this guy drop his phone. I’m like, “Dude, your phone!” But he just walks away. I’m standing there, holding this phone, feeling like a lost puppy.

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